Call me a playboy

It has been rather an honour to have "playboy" as my label, as how others define me. Thanks to the way i handle my relationship(s), how ironic i have to put an 's' lol.... I pretty much give no damn to my own reputation, and I'm only worse than one kind of guy, at the same time, better than another kind of guy. Worse than those who happen to meet the right one, able to stay with the one until they got married eventually, this is what i envy and admire undeniably, nevertheless, i am better than those who cover up themselves so well after they have done dirty things at girls' back, in fact, everyone's back. Reputation? really what we should care at the expense of all things? I have come to know guys who cheated on girls so absurdly, who sleep with different girl weekly, despite the fact that they already have girlfriend. While some stay flirting around in social media, some actually go beyond just flirting. I just feel sad for what had happened to our generation, it was a lot more loyalty back then, at least during my parents' generation, you get what you meet, you stick till the end, girls weren't so demanding, but rather supportive to what the husband does for the family, when the husband is tired and little troubled by the headache challenges he meets at workplace, all he gets will be ears that listen, arms that hug. Back then, guys were more loyal than now, they care more on values of life, moral, dignity, what's right, what's wrong as far as being in relationship is concerned. Now guys just go out and fool around with girls, they don't even feel afraid of being caught red handed, because if they are caught, they just change girlfriend, that's all. Poor thing, we are all. Look at the world now, stop spending time gossiping about how others handle their love life, look at the world now, seriously, what's the root cause of it. Really? if you tell me that i should start thinking about what i have done to girls, you better be spending time on what those that i have mentioned above have done. If that's what reputation and good names meant to you, really, by hiding, by living in disguise, well tomorrow i start living behind the mask, i can be all that you want to see, but does that really mean anything to anybody? I ain't gonna be spending even a second to explain to you strangers in my life that how i feel in love, simply because when my heart was broken, you weren't there to console, when i was happy, the joys that i felt were not meant to be shared with you, too. 

Whatever i do, i am being responsible for whatever that i have done, you may name me whichever way you like, it's your right, i won't feel agitated in whatever awesome way you may wish to see in me due to you feeling the weight of your words is seemingly important but in reality not. 

There's a question in my friends' mind, when will i be getting a new gf this time around? actually, i'm not really prepared yet, haven't been able to meet the right one just make me feel tired. Who doesn't love to be in love with someone afterall. haha... Anyway, it doesn't really matter how long would it take until i am in relationship again, what matters most to me now, and how i feel, what i want, can be summarized by William Shakespeare's fav quote: love sought is good, but given unsought better. I believe one day, my right one will come to me, and i will be loved and taken care of till the end of my life =) 

My Love Lesson

17.5.2014 :

If wasn't for her, I wouldn't have left to KL to work. Now that we are no longer together, the single life starts here. As the same as everyone else, life is empty at the beginning, i used to be very occupied daily; after working hours i would normally dropby her house to pay a visit to her, her family and thank you so much for the homecook dinner that i have missed for as long as my late mother departed from the world, and now it's just me.

Slowly, i have gotten used and since adapted to the life of being a single man, the life without daily good night greet. Well, it's all hard for me at the beginning, i haven't lived a life without a gf for so many years, 8 years perhaps. It's hard because the feeling of loneliness is just unbearable. This must necessarily be attributable to how close i was with my late mother, ever since she passed away on that fateful day, i have not been able to live on my own, not that i'm financially dependant, but care and love dependant. Without her, i just find it hard, everything. I have since met girls who happened then to be my gf, one time after another, and i'm always occupied and kept company, i dont feel lonely, i dont feel myself that upset about the loss of my late mother, or rather, i'm like a drunkard, who temporarily forgets about the plight of life. I know well, i dont let it go, when i cried occasionally still, awoke at the middle of the night, missing her so much suddenly, yeah, i am still so emotionally attached to her, i love you mom. =) from one girl, i hop to another, reasons for that are many, but am not gonna elaborate here simply because i finally admit that, i am the one to be blamed for. My sincere apologies to all of them. I wanted to just let them know, they have all taught me a lot of life lessons, though in a way i don't appreciate that much, afterall it's just too harsh for a pampered child like me. 

Perhaps I have grown older, more mature hopefully, that i don't go hopping to another girl anymore, not this time around. I have finally realized and accepted that the core problem of my relationship is but the way i meet girls, and how insufficient the communication and understanding that are allowed to happen, before we started our relationship. Hence, we started in a way we do not really understand each other, as time goes by, my trueself is revealed or rather unwrapped, that she couldn't accept the real me. I'm a simple guy, i don't go around cheating on relationship, i play game, i do gym, i work, i sleep, i hang out with friends, hang out with girlfriend. But, she couldn't accept my lifestyle, she wants it a change, less gaming, more time and attention on her. Sincerely, i did try to change that i failed eventually, i love to play game, i play clash of clans, i play dota2, and i love em'all. i leave the relationship, that she said i gave her up for gaming. Perhaps you would think i must have been an addictive gamer, like a drug addict, but that's what she thinks, and you may think, but i don't care, if i am considered an addict, why could i be a lawyer, why am i not having financial problem, why am i still able to do gym, why am i still able to hang out with girlfriend, why do i have plan about my future. The Whys explained crystal clear that  i am doing it all moderately rather than being addictive as somebody may claim, again, i dont really care. Game is good, it helps me to release my work stress, being a lawyer, the stress level is not that you can possibly imagine, when i first started my career, i couldn't fall asleep, i dreamt nightmares, awoke at the middle of blind night, it is all fear around, it is all the responsibility on your shoulders, it is all the legal consequences of each error you make which may ensue. I just want to play game, when am stressful or when i have nothing to do, it's my hobby, i don't really need a reason for doing that, mind you. That's alrite, let's just forget about it. 

Now that I take things real slowly, though i still try to meet girls, the potential candidates for being a girlfriend, but i know, i am not gonna do anything, or develop anything, and i stopped doing that after trying for a while, suddenly a bang to my head from my past, that i know, am not gonna repeat the same mistake all over again. Girlfriend, is no longer a need. I can live on my own now. From loving a person, to loving being on your own, it must have taken time, and it must have a not-so-happy-history for allowing that to happen. I enjoy my personal time, that i even realize how valuable it is to feel peace at night, to really able to rest like the way i like it, how long i would like to rest, how long i would want to stay on my bed, how long i would like to play my game, it wasn't a priviledge, believe me, if you really had a not-so-understanding girlfriend before. opsss they are good, am not good lol, but i dont really care, again =) 

Now, i want to fight for my future! fighting fighting, pray and gambateh for myself, perhaps i would only elaborate more about my career direction in next blog, which i dont know when will it be lol. Let's just reveal to you a little bit of it, which is, i want to buy sports car. so, u roughly know how hardcore am going to be. =)

cheers!

Best regards,

Dave