17.5.2014 :
Slowly, i have gotten used and since adapted to the life of being a single man, the life without daily good night greet. Well, it's all hard for me at the beginning, i haven't lived a life without a gf for so many years, 8 years perhaps. It's hard because the feeling of loneliness is just unbearable. This must necessarily be attributable to how close i was with my late mother, ever since she passed away on that fateful day, i have not been able to live on my own, not that i'm financially dependant, but care and love dependant. Without her, i just find it hard, everything. I have since met girls who happened then to be my gf, one time after another, and i'm always occupied and kept company, i dont feel lonely, i dont feel myself that upset about the loss of my late mother, or rather, i'm like a drunkard, who temporarily forgets about the plight of life. I know well, i dont let it go, when i cried occasionally still, awoke at the middle of the night, missing her so much suddenly, yeah, i am still so emotionally attached to her, i love you mom. =) from one girl, i hop to another, reasons for that are many, but am not gonna elaborate here simply because i finally admit that, i am the one to be blamed for. My sincere apologies to all of them. I wanted to just let them know, they have all taught me a lot of life lessons, though in a way i don't appreciate that much, afterall it's just too harsh for a pampered child like me.
Perhaps I have grown older, more mature hopefully, that i don't go hopping to another girl anymore, not this time around. I have finally realized and accepted that the core problem of my relationship is but the way i meet girls, and how insufficient the communication and understanding that are allowed to happen, before we started our relationship. Hence, we started in a way we do not really understand each other, as time goes by, my trueself is revealed or rather unwrapped, that she couldn't accept the real me. I'm a simple guy, i don't go around cheating on relationship, i play game, i do gym, i work, i sleep, i hang out with friends, hang out with girlfriend. But, she couldn't accept my lifestyle, she wants it a change, less gaming, more time and attention on her. Sincerely, i did try to change that i failed eventually, i love to play game, i play clash of clans, i play dota2, and i love em'all. i leave the relationship, that she said i gave her up for gaming. Perhaps you would think i must have been an addictive gamer, like a drug addict, but that's what she thinks, and you may think, but i don't care, if i am considered an addict, why could i be a lawyer, why am i not having financial problem, why am i still able to do gym, why am i still able to hang out with girlfriend, why do i have plan about my future. The Whys explained crystal clear that i am doing it all moderately rather than being addictive as somebody may claim, again, i dont really care. Game is good, it helps me to release my work stress, being a lawyer, the stress level is not that you can possibly imagine, when i first started my career, i couldn't fall asleep, i dreamt nightmares, awoke at the middle of blind night, it is all fear around, it is all the responsibility on your shoulders, it is all the legal consequences of each error you make which may ensue. I just want to play game, when am stressful or when i have nothing to do, it's my hobby, i don't really need a reason for doing that, mind you. That's alrite, let's just forget about it.
Now that I take things real slowly, though i still try to meet girls, the potential candidates for being a girlfriend, but i know, i am not gonna do anything, or develop anything, and i stopped doing that after trying for a while, suddenly a bang to my head from my past, that i know, am not gonna repeat the same mistake all over again. Girlfriend, is no longer a need. I can live on my own now. From loving a person, to loving being on your own, it must have taken time, and it must have a not-so-happy-history for allowing that to happen. I enjoy my personal time, that i even realize how valuable it is to feel peace at night, to really able to rest like the way i like it, how long i would like to rest, how long i would want to stay on my bed, how long i would like to play my game, it wasn't a priviledge, believe me, if you really had a not-so-understanding girlfriend before. opsss they are good, am not good lol, but i dont really care, again =)
Now, i want to fight for my future! fighting fighting, pray and gambateh for myself, perhaps i would only elaborate more about my career direction in next blog, which i dont know when will it be lol. Let's just reveal to you a little bit of it, which is, i want to buy sports car. so, u roughly know how hardcore am going to be. =)
cheers!
Best regards,
Dave
